SPOTLIGHT: National Best Friend Day
Dear Reader,
Even if you’re a homebody or someone who likes their time to themselves, we all crave a sense of belonging. Not a friend who excuses all our mistakes or sees us only for our value, but who loves us as our full selves. The person we want to experience the good, the bad, and the great with (we all try to avoid the worst - but we’ll talk about that later).
Since today is National Best Friend Day, I thought it would be fun to talk about the friendships you make in sororities. All the different opportunities in recruitment, new member period, active and alumnae status. Not a lot of people realize all the different ways you get to meet people in Greek Life, and the connections you gain are invaluable!
First things first, there’s a common saying…
Sororities BUY their friendships = FALSE
The honest truth? Absolutely not. Lots of people think that when we say “sisterhood” / “friendship” is one of our pillars, that means every single one of our members is friends with each other. Or that every activity we plan, or day-to-day chore we do, HAS to be a sorority thing. The truth is, we’re not friends with everyone. We don’t all do everything together. But what we do all hold is respect, care and kindness towards one another.
And you might be asking; Tina, that’s just common sense. Why would I join something I need to pay for, when a bunch of other clubs say the same?
To which I say, good critical thinking! But it’s not the same. The reason why I think joining a sorority is so much better than joining every club - is everyone there cares. You pay to join an organization that has ALL perks in one (international trips, generations of members that are all very involved, scholarships and grants, leadership opportunities, volunteer opportunities). but you don’t just get the organization, you get to work with all the other members who are all extremely committed to the same values. We’ve all been a part of clubs where half the team doesn’t show up, or you meet people and don’t really talk about your lives outside the group, but that just isn’t the case in Panhellenic Sororities. And it starts, during recruitment.
RECRUITMENT - THE START OF IT ALL
During recruitment, you’re part of so many groups. You’re one of many PNMs who have signed up and are going through recruitment altogether. You’re part of your Recruitment Counsellor Group, where you get to bond and go to rounds with other specific PNMs your RC also helps throughout the process. You’re part of your Preference Night Group, where you get to spend a special night with other PNMs deeply considering that chapter as their home. You interact with so many people, in so many different spaces, that you’re already making connections before you even formally join a sorority.
For me, I met what I call my “recruitment buddy” Zahra on the first day of recruitment. I went through recruitment in 2021 (crazy) and this was peak-pandemic. So we actually first met over Zoom! We were in the same RC group, and put into different break-out rooms with members during events; every. time. Eventually people began to remember us as a pair.
Then we met for the first time during Preference Night! And it was amazing, and so spectacular, we both had such a wonderful time. And I remember at the end of the night while we were walking to sign our MRABA, we looked at one another and shared a knowing glance that said: We’re totally getting into the best sorority, together.
And then, we didn’t. It’s not that one of us accepted a bid from one we didn’t want, we both got out first choice. What we thought was the “best” for ourselves differed from what was best for the other. But that wasn’t the end of our friendship. Zahra and I went to each other’s philanthropy events, hung out in the library at school when we wanted to study, went to movies every month, had phone calls go until 2am. I was closer to her than some of my sorority sisters to this day, and even though our sororities were different, that didn’t change the fact that our friendship was created and stronger than that imaginary boundary.
NEW MEMBER PERIOD - LEARNING IS FUN!
When you’re a new member, there is slightly more time commitment than when you’re an active because you go through new member education. It’s a time when your sorority essentially teaches you, once a week, about the key aspects you need to know. Your sorority’s history, its leadership structures, the time commitment, how to live in the house, finances, scholarship and volunteer expectations; the whole sha-bang! You do it until around the middle/end of the semester, and then you initiate! During this time, you get to meet all the other new members who accepted a bid from your new sorority!
I’ll be frank, I didn’t make many friends during my new member period. I was the youngest (ages ranged from 17 - 26 that year) and I sometimes don’t get social cues. I spoke often, tried to interact with others, but we just weren’t connecting. I actually became super close with these girls after we were actives (more on that later) but that didn’t mean I was alone.
I made so many friends with the actives in chapter when I was a new member. Girls that were graduating that year, sooner than me, or just joined last year. They always made me feel welcome, listened to me talk about my strange hobbies, and answered all my burning questions still remaining after our new member meetings. They were the first birthdays I attended (I actually shared a birthday with another girl, ON Bid Day!), the first girls I watched a Twilight Marathon with, and the first friends I really connected with. I still loved my new member period, and all the girls who initiated with me, but I cannot be more thankful for the actives who truly made an effort to get to know me.
ACTIVE LIFE - PAY IT FORWARD
Now, I’m an active. And there are 3 key things I wanted to note that I’m sure a lot of our members would probably agree with.
You’re not friends with everyone. Whether that means you were friends once upon a time and things didn’t work out, or you simply never got close with another girl; you’re not friends but you are sisters. I’ve made a lot of friends, lost a few good ones, and never interacted with some people in this community. But regardless of the history (or lack thereof) we always treat each other with respect, kindness, and integrity. We look at one another as marvelous individuals who are extremely capable, and good at heart. And that, is what we mean by sisterhood.
You pay it forward. This is a saying my big actually taught me and it’s stuck with me ever since. My favorite time of every year is the new member period, even as an active! Meeting the new members and getting to bond with them, teach them whatever they need, and make sure they feel appreciated brings me so much joy. The way you were treated as a new member is only capable because other people did the same for your sisters. So to keep it going, and make sure that you do the same!
You grow and change. If I was the same person I was when I first attended the University of Alberta, I think I’d actually cry. Imagine, four years of my life, and I hadn’t learnt anything; mildly disappointing to say the least. But I am thankfully a different (in my opinion, more mature) person than I was before. And that also means - my circle of friends has changed with me. The girls I was close with in my first year aren’t the only members I hang around, and they’re not just exclusively from my sorority. You are directly in control about how much you experience, how much you choose to care about, and in turn, how many meaningful relationships you form.
But that’s not to say when you graduate - that’s it! And I am beyond excited to experience the next stage of my journey at the end of this year…
ALUMNAE LIFE - LIFELONG FRIENDSHIP
When you graduate from the UofA, you also graduate from your collegiate chapter - which is a fancy way of saying you’re no longer attending post-secondary. But that doesn’t mean your sorority experience is over! We have alumnae chapters which are collections of graduated members all working together to host their own events, fundraisers, and advise the collegiate chapter and current active members. You can also do the same for Panhellenic! It’s an amazing way to stay connected with your sisters who graduate with you, but to also interact with previous or future generations of your sorority. These friendships are amazing because you also get the chance to re-write past history, or even interact with girls you never got the chance to!
Today I think I just really wanted to take a moment and acknowledge all the relationships I made during my time in the Greek Community, and all the amazing Panhellenic Members I met from all the sororities. I couldn’t tell you a single other place where I’ve felt more accepted, welcomed, and loved than this beautiful space I’ve gotten the chance to be a part of. And to whoever is reading this, and thinking whether or not it’s worth it - I guarantee that if you do decide to take a chance on sororities, that you’ll make the lifelong friendships that you’ve been looking for.
XOXO,
Tina